Blog Takeover: The Greatest All-Star
Tonight is MLB's annual All-Star game. I will loyally watch, as I love baseball. I love to watch it, I love to play it, and I love to talk about it. It's in my blood in the sense that as a child I rubbed a baseball into a cut hoping that was possible. I have a tattoo of a baseball, in the sense that it's a temporary tattoo, because who gets a real tattoo of a baseball? It's my destiny in the sense that I completely overuse the word destiny in my daily life.
Writers love to write about baseball. The most famous piece would probably be the 1888 poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer called "Casey at the Bat." Most of you are probably familiar with it in some way. If not, it can be found HERE. The general idea is that the home team in Mudville is down to it's last out and down 2. A couple of bums who the crowd hates get on base, bringing up Casey. Casey is beloved in Mudville. He watches the first two pitches go by with a sort of arrogance, before striking out. Here are the final lines of the poem:
"Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out."
If you read the entire poem, Casey is made to look like a bit of pompous jerk. Now it also appears that the entire town has ceased to enjoy life. Even children, who generally get over that kind of thing pretty quickly have given room to depression and despair.
I always felt sad reading this poem. Not for the people of Mudville. No, not those ungrateful phonies. For Casey, who is clearly Mudville's only decent player, has been carrying the team for a decade, and gets only bellyache from the town for striking out once. It was 1888. It wasn't like Casey was making $12 million or getting railroad endorsements. He was getting paid in cuts of veal and jars of pomade.
Today I'm going to share with you my additional stanzas, which admittedly change the overall tone of the poem, but offer Casey some redemption:
There was a game the next day, for that's how baseball works,
Casey looked up in the stands and saw the Mudville jerks.
He saw the mayor, who since last night had lost ground in the polls,
And all the other dopes who had raked him 'cross the coals.
Casey had to fight back the only way he knew,
With dinger after dinger, from here to Timbuktu.
He was the one they came to see, why they came through the gate,
He had slugged a thousand homers and was hitting .608.
His first time up he hit a ball that I think still hasn't landed,
The next time up he hit the moon like JFK commanded.
The third time up he killed man who tried to catch it in the bleachers,
There were calls of "this man is God!" from a group of nearby preachers.
His final shot was also gone, yes it was no exception,
He shouted out "Boomshakalaka!" a hundred years before it's inception.
All because of Casey, Mudville won the game,
In less than 24 hours, he had regained his fame.
Before he left the field Casey took the microphone,
He had some thoughts on his mind and was sure they should be known.
"Listen up you cretins, now don't you go nowhere,"
And they stopped 'cause he was 8 foot 2 with a flowing mane of hair.
"Stop right now with all that cheering and slapping of high fives,
I'm here to tell each one of you, I slept with all your wives.
I have men in the parking lot, slashing each and every tire,
And there are more men at your home. Your home is now on fire.
No one crosses me, for my vengeance has a sting,
You'll regret your fair weather support, for in Mudville I am king.
Now crawl back to your homes and just remember that,
I am better than you all, I'm Casey at the Bat!
Wow, that was crazy. Casey really seemed to lose it at the end and came off as sort of a maniac. It was a bit much, I thought. Plus he referenced John F. Kennedy, who wasn't President until three quarters of a century later. Bizarre.
Oh well, he was clearly the original All-Star.
I hope you enjoy tonight's All-Star game as much as I will! Play ball!
-Nick Tory is the author of the Johnny Book series. http://www.johnnybooks.com.
Writers love to write about baseball. The most famous piece would probably be the 1888 poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer called "Casey at the Bat." Most of you are probably familiar with it in some way. If not, it can be found HERE. The general idea is that the home team in Mudville is down to it's last out and down 2. A couple of bums who the crowd hates get on base, bringing up Casey. Casey is beloved in Mudville. He watches the first two pitches go by with a sort of arrogance, before striking out. Here are the final lines of the poem:
"Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out."
If you read the entire poem, Casey is made to look like a bit of pompous jerk. Now it also appears that the entire town has ceased to enjoy life. Even children, who generally get over that kind of thing pretty quickly have given room to depression and despair.
I always felt sad reading this poem. Not for the people of Mudville. No, not those ungrateful phonies. For Casey, who is clearly Mudville's only decent player, has been carrying the team for a decade, and gets only bellyache from the town for striking out once. It was 1888. It wasn't like Casey was making $12 million or getting railroad endorsements. He was getting paid in cuts of veal and jars of pomade.
Today I'm going to share with you my additional stanzas, which admittedly change the overall tone of the poem, but offer Casey some redemption:
There was a game the next day, for that's how baseball works,
Casey looked up in the stands and saw the Mudville jerks.
He saw the mayor, who since last night had lost ground in the polls,
And all the other dopes who had raked him 'cross the coals.
Casey had to fight back the only way he knew,
With dinger after dinger, from here to Timbuktu.
He was the one they came to see, why they came through the gate,
He had slugged a thousand homers and was hitting .608.
His first time up he hit a ball that I think still hasn't landed,
The next time up he hit the moon like JFK commanded.
The third time up he killed man who tried to catch it in the bleachers,
There were calls of "this man is God!" from a group of nearby preachers.
His final shot was also gone, yes it was no exception,
He shouted out "Boomshakalaka!" a hundred years before it's inception.
All because of Casey, Mudville won the game,
In less than 24 hours, he had regained his fame.
Before he left the field Casey took the microphone,
He had some thoughts on his mind and was sure they should be known.
"Listen up you cretins, now don't you go nowhere,"
And they stopped 'cause he was 8 foot 2 with a flowing mane of hair.
"Stop right now with all that cheering and slapping of high fives,
I'm here to tell each one of you, I slept with all your wives.
I have men in the parking lot, slashing each and every tire,
And there are more men at your home. Your home is now on fire.
No one crosses me, for my vengeance has a sting,
You'll regret your fair weather support, for in Mudville I am king.
Now crawl back to your homes and just remember that,
I am better than you all, I'm Casey at the Bat!
Wow, that was crazy. Casey really seemed to lose it at the end and came off as sort of a maniac. It was a bit much, I thought. Plus he referenced John F. Kennedy, who wasn't President until three quarters of a century later. Bizarre.
Oh well, he was clearly the original All-Star.
I hope you enjoy tonight's All-Star game as much as I will! Play ball!
-Nick Tory is the author of the Johnny Book series. http://www.johnnybooks.com.
Loved your rewrite. What's a baseball game without a little added vengeance?
ReplyDelete"Stop right now with all that cheering and slapping of high fives,
ReplyDeleteI'm here to tell each one of you, I slept with all your wives." Hands down, best line addition.